Eating Peas Off The Floor

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My “Day Of Disgust” (or at least one of the first ones).

Everyone seeks to avoid pain and gain pleasure and most of us don’t really change unless the pain is too painful.

This is part of my story,

my journey,

…to FREEDOM.

I call this part, “Eating Peas Off The Floor”.

In 2005, I was promoted in my job, I got married, and we were expecting our first child.  Life was good.  I’m pretty sure I was making more money than my dad, I was on salary (so I could finally start a budget), and the laundry and dinner was done when I came home…  :)

Then came the check-ups for the baby.  My wife wasn’t on my health insurance plan and couldn’t be put on until the first of the year (I had insurance through my work, and they had a policy to add additional family members the 1st of every year if need be).

Big challenge #1 as husband/man of the house:  Try and get health insurance to cover child birth.  Because pregnancy is considered a pre-existing condition, no health insurance would cover it.  None.

My first thought was to bust my ass at work and get promoted again.

Done.

I learned real fast that the person who is paid the most has the most responsibility and time commitment.  I started working “on the clock” about 72 hours per week.  That did not include drive time to and from work.  I can honestly remember falling asleep on the toilet before work and being jolted by my head falling down.  I checked the time on my watch and realized that there was almost no possibility that I could make it to work on time…  I still had to wipe.  ;)  I literally didn’t even have enough time to wipe my own… you get the idea.  I would leave the house by 6:30am and return at 8:30-9:00 at night.

Then came the baby.

Early.

Real early.

3 lbs. 10 ounces early.

Several weeks in the NICU early.

When we brought Natalie home she was still under 5 lbs. and she had to be sent home with a breathing monitor.  The kind of monitor that set off a fire alarm if she stopped breathing (or if one of the stickies fell off of her).

I was always at work.

Always.

All I wanted to do was be home to spend time with the family.

Then the bills started coming.

And coming.

And they kept coming.

$132,640.84 worth of  bills came!!! (I still have proof.)

The burden of bills, and the stress of work, started to overwhelm.

I couldn’t sleep.

I lived with a constant stress ball in my gut… churning constantly.

My diet literally consisted of several 20 ounce Cokes per day.  I guess I went for the caffeine to give energy and the sugar to change my state so I could feel better.

Here was my dilemma…

I needed more money to pay the bills and I needed more time to work/earn more money.

I needed BOTH.

Time AND money.

I had neither.

“They” say that pressure creates diamonds.

The “ancients” say to consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds.

I don’t even remember what “I” said, but I’m sure it was “colorful” and shouldn’t be repeated in mixed company.  :)

That was just how I felt.

I was confused, struggling, and trying to understand life.

Regardless, I needed to figure out how to get outta debt and get home with my family.

I learned that problems couldn’t be solved by the same mindset that got you into the problem in the first place.  So I went about CHANGING MY MINDSET by the books I read, the things I listened to, and the folks I “hung out with.”

Eventually, I started a business.  The business actually made me money, which was good because I lost my job the day before Natalie’s first birthday!!!

Unfortunately, even though I was making money, I wasn’t making enough to pay bills AND invest back into marketing. (I was so new to business that I didn’t understand the value of investing in marketing and the numbers and tracking and all that jazz.  Thankfully, since then, it now comes second nature.  Side note to all entrepreneurs:  Marketing should be THE LAST place you cut if you are doing budget cuts for your business…  Another topic, another post.)

My focus became “survival” instead of “increase” or “abundance.”

Any successful entrepreneur can tell you how effective your mindset can be on your surroundings.  Let’s face it.  I was SCARED shit-less and in FEAR of losing everything… and because that is what I was focused on, that is what I put out into the ether, and that is eventually what I got.

I.

Lost.

Everything. (*by everything, I mean financially)

…

The picture on this post was the day that I fed Natalie with 1/4 of a bag of frozen peas.  This literally was the last thing in our kitchen cupboards.  Literally.  No peanut butter.  No mac and cheese.  No pasta.  No flour.  No cans.  No mixes. No boxes.  Nothing… but maybe spices.

I took this picture because Natalie happened to knock her bowl of peas on the floor.  Most folks would clean up the peas and throw them away because the floor is dirty etc.  I chose to let my daughter eat the peas off of the floor because she was hungry.

I had no other food to feed her.

This moment in my journey was so profound that I took a picture.

I vowed never to forget the feeling of what I felt at that moment.

That was a moment of TOTAL DISGUST.

I was sick to my stomach at my lack of being the “man of the house.”

I hurt to the point of tears as I watched my happy-go-lucky daughter laugh and eat the peas off of the floor.

I made a decision that day.  One of many days of decision.  A decision that I would never let this happen again…

———

We’ll it (my temporary situation) got worse… from living with friends and family, to sleeping in the car, to etc… but these stories are for another time.

I’ve heard it said before that when it comes to someone’s own personal story of “success,” most people want the first chapter and the last chapter… they don’t want the chapters in between.

This is one of those “in between” chapters.

I look back at this time in my life with great appreciation.

If it wasn’t for the pain that I felt, I’m not sure I would’ve went through the process of change that I needed to go through.

I am grateful that I set about changing the way I think.

I did this because my family matters.

And because I value time.

And as of this writing, I have the honor and privilege to say that the ENTIRE $132,640.84 hospital debt is…

PAID.

IN.

FULL!!!

(insert happy dance here)

“Cheers” to those who partake in the adult beverages!

Talk about a huge burden being removed.  I am overjoyed and ecstatic.

It’s one thing to take care of bad debt, but for now, it’s time for me to focus on INCREASING our number of cash producing ASSETS.

By generating more sources of income, guess who gets to spend more time with their family?

That’s right.

This guy!

During this process, it didn’t hurt that I never gave up learning, failing forward, and fighting the internal and external conversations always trying to bring me down in some way or another.

I am reminded of Jim Rohn’s saying, “You can always have more than currently have, because you can always become more than you currently are.”

That’s deep stuff.

I am grateful that I took those words to heart.

He also said, “You have to work harder on YOURSELF than you do on your job.”

I couldn’t agree more.

It might be a a rough climb, but it’s so worth it in the end.

I hope you are encouraged.

Take care and ENJOY your day.

HOLLA!!!

UPDATE:  Natalie still loves her peas (just not off the floor) and she just started riding her bike WITHOUT the training wheels.  WOOT!  :)

Will Smith Quotes